Culture Shock

     Last week, I met with my conversation partner for the first time.  She’s a student in TCU’s Intensive English Program.  She’s also a mother of two beautiful boys.  Her name is Milla, and she’s here to learn. 

     Milla moved to the United States from Venezuela, where she was a lawyer and a businesswoman.  She and her husband decided to move because they wanted their boys to have a better life, she said.  The socialist government there was becoming too oppressive, so they decided to leave.

     When they came here, Milla said, she couldn’t speak a word of English.  She knew if she was going to build a better life for her family, she needed to learn the language.  That brought her to the Intensive English Program at TCU. 

     When Milla told me she’d only begun speaking English in August, I was shocked.  She sounded as though she’d been speaking the language for several years, and had only come to TCU to improve upon her grammar skills (which, by the way, are extremely good.  I’ve never heard any of my peers who grew up speaking English casually discuss auxiliary verbs.).

     As we talked, it quickly became apparent that Milla is an intelligent and engaged woman who is eager to learn about a new culture.  As I asked her more about the Venezuelan government, she began to discuss what true socialism is.  She told me about the government controlling everything—especially citizens’ money.  She has to put in an application to the government requesting a withdrawal from her own bank account to pay for education and living expenses here.  It doesn’t matter what she requests, the government will decide how much she needs.  They do this for all citizens, without regarding the fact that some have families to take care of.  Milla will get the same amount to care for her family of four as a single person will. 

     She talked about American citizens calling our government socialist, saying that nobody here truly understands what socialism is.  When she began to ask me about my own political beliefs, she quickly stopped and corrected herself.  Apparently her English teacher told her it was impolite to openly discuss politics and religion in America.

     I found this to be an extremely curious statement.  I grew up in the Bible Belt.  My hometown newspaper still has the Bible verse of the week on the front page of our weekly paper.  It was always okay to talk about religion in passing or in depth in my hometown.  In addition, I’m from a conservative Texas small town, where everyone argues about politics all the time.  What’s more, I’m on the debate team at TCU, where we regularly discuss politics both leisurely and in debate rounds.  I can see where Milla’s professor was coming from in telling her that these subjects could bring about sticky situations with extremists or people who don’t want to discuss them, but I think it was incorrect to tell her that it’s always a bad idea to bring them up.

     I told Milla that it isn’t always impolite to talk about religion and politics, that they were probably just subjects she should reserve for people who she knew a little better—not complete strangers.  But learning this sparked my curiosity.  Milla is obviously perceptive and very aware of her words and actions.  She had probably picked up on some more cultural differences that she has to be aware of.  So I decided to ask her about any more culture shocks she had in coming to the United States.

     She told me more about cultural differences such as warmth and displays of affection.  It’s pretty commonly known that Hispanic cultures are very warm.  People often greet each other with a kiss on each cheek and a hug, whereas the social norm in the U.S. is to shake someone’s hand.  What I found more interesting to learn is that the American culture is even colder in comparison than I had thought it to be.  Milla told me that in Hispanic cultures, if you walk into a restaurant and see a friend, it’s common to sit down and join him or her.  It would be rude not to, seeing as though you both will be eating in the same place anyway.  Everyone likes their own space and table in America.  Similarly, if you see someone you know walking around town in Venezuela, it’s custom to stop and ask them how they’re doing, how their family is, etc.  Milla found it odd that people only say hello in passing here.

     It felt strange for Milla to integrate herself into the American culture, she told me.  Not only does she have to learn the main differences discussed above between her culture and Americans’, she must also become adjusted to all the differences in Americans in general.  She’s not used to seeing so many races and cultural identifiers mixed into one place.  What’s more, she’s not used to all the division between cultures.  For example, she explained to me that she understands the history of the civil rights movement and why racial issues were a sore issue in America’s past, but she doesn’t understand why people are still holding grudges.

     Talking to Milla helped me see society through different eyes.  Her culture shocks raised some serious questions.  Why aren’t Americans past racial divisions yet?  Sure, we’ve progressed, but racial issues are still being brought up.  What’s more, why is the American culture so reserved and cold?  Could it be because we’re all going through a continuous culture shock in trying to integrate everyone into this society?  Perhaps.  Maybe we don’t want to upset people and don’t know what’s acceptable to different persons, so we keep ourselves at a distance.  It’s an interesting thought to ponder.